As a young adult, I am on the move quite a bit. Everywhere my feet land, I am unsure if I will make this plot of earth my home, or if I am just passing through. School, jobs, and the travel bug adds to this uncertainty, but it is an uncertainty that I love. It ensures that anything is possible, and the future is malleable like clay, moldable at my will.
What comes with moving around a lot are many faces that I learn to love. Many of these people I learn just enough about them that I could see how they could so easily fit into my world, and me theirs. But then it is time to leave, and I must face the reality that we may never speak again, or that we will develop a strained relationship that consists of texts here and there. Very few relationships are made up of phone calls and plans to visit - Does that make them more real? I think that some relationships and people just aren't made for late night phone calls. Sometimes people come into your life for a short while, give you so much joy, and then it's theirs or your time to leave, and that's okay.
Through college and after college I have worked a number of jobs, some of them in other states. Every single place I have worked, I have met beautiful souls that have changed my life in one way or another. It's amazing how quickly you can grow to care for your co-workers in such a short amount of time. Especially when working in the food industry, co-workers quickly become close confidants, because what else are you supposed to do when confined to a kitchen for 8 hours?
How strong are friendships created this quickly? Are they forced because of the circumstances of being trapped together? Are they somehow less genuine because of this? To answer these questions, I think every connection you make with another person where you both feel yourselves opening up is a genuine one, regardless of the circumstances. Where things get tricky are deciding what friendships are worth holding onto, and what ones you should let go.
I don't think holding on vs. letting go is so black and white. The idea of radical acceptance has taught me that it is okay to loosen your grip and allow forces to flow through you without resistance. Sometimes the harder you hold on to things, the more they pull away. If I tried to proactively nurture every single friendship and bond I created with people, I wouldn't have any time left in my day, and I would be emotionally drained. It's really hard to turn the corner and journey down a different path away from people, but you have to trust in yourself that what you truly need in your life will stay with you. The universe won't throw anything at you that you don't have the capacity to handle. Life is as long as you make it to be, and people come and go just like you. One thing that does last forever are the memories you made with people and the lessons you learned from them.
My dear friend from college Chloe Krammel moved to Oklahoma after graduation, and this transition definitely changed the way she viewed her relationships. She says, "Just a couple weeks after I moved to Oklahoma I already started to see shifts in my friendships. I was alone in a place I knew nothing about so I naturally started face-timing my friends more often and talking to my family on the phone. I realized that there will be times in life where you have to put in the work to maintain a friendship. Talking with my friends was a lifeline I never realized the importance of until then."
Krammel also notes the strain that her distance has taken on her relationships, "I noticed the nature of some of my friendships shift when there wasn’t an equal amount of effort being put in to just talk and catch up. Some friendships definitely have started to fade away, not completely, but enough to the point where months go by and you realize you know nothing about what’s going on in someone’s life. I wouldn’t say I am upset about it, instead just thankful for another lesson in life."
Thinking about experiences with friends as life lessons is incredibly helpful when trying to conceptualize why people come and go in your life. Instead of being upset by change, understand that this is a natural occurrence in life.
We all have the power to curate our own worlds, even though at times it seems we have lost this control. We can choose who we want in our lives, who to love from a distance, and who to gracefully let go of. Again, life is not so black and white, and can change like the wind, so being open to change is key. When we accept that our life's path is full of roundabouts, turns, highways, and backroads, we will be comfortable with the changes that occur. Life is a measure of how gracefully we react to change.
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