Imagine something traumatic has happened to you. Maybe it actually has. We may have a support system - Parents, friends, teachers, therapists, that unfortunate person who sits down next to us on the subway and now has to hear our life story. Everyone leans on different communities for support. Some of this is healthy, but I want to emphasize the importance of leaning on yourself, and the strategy that has worked wonders for me.
Self-soothing is something that we are taught as babies. We cry, and a guardian does not always come. We must quiet and comfort ourselves, without relying on others to do this for us. The fact that we cannot always rely on others - the harsh reality that we all must learn in our lives. This concept does not have to be frightening, or negative. It is natural to only have yourself to rely on at various moments in our lives. Even if we have a 24/7 support system, we will feel much more secure if our self-soothing skills are up to par.
Some folks "self-soothe" in ways that aren't really beneficial to our longevity. Some lean on stimulants like drugs/alcohol, music/TV/media, and many other forms of distraction. These distractions do not nurture our hurting selves, but cause us to ignore the real issues and set us up for a negative pattern of coping mechanisms.
Positive actions such as drinking a cup of tea, journaling, exercising, and meditating are all great ways of nurturing ourselves, but no action can take the place of the true transformative result that changing our mindset has. One simple mindset change has made a huge impact on my life and others, and I would love to share it with as many people as possible.
I have a wonderful mother who is both supportive and nurturing. My father is the same way. That being said, I view the term "mother" as not necessarily gendered, but as a presence that is the epitome of nurturing love, regardless if you feel positively or negatively towards yours. I feel the same way about Mother Nature, and how "she" is an oasis of sorts for all living and non-living beings. Remember this idea of mother.
Think of the term, "child". "Child" is a new sapling emerging from the earth who needs sunlight and water to grow, or a human child who sees everything in the world with fresh eyes. Remember the child.
We crave the feeling of being supported and loved by the "mother" and also at times feel scared and hurt like the "child". As human beings, we have the ability to be as nurturing as the mother, and also be the child well into our adult lives.
Now, I want you to imagine you are both the mother and child, almost a duality of sorts. Sometimes, the child will have more of a presence, and that is when you must call on the grounding and wise mother. Sometimes the mother has more of a presence, and maybe you channel the curiosity and the fun-loving nature of the child. We have the capacity to have both of these identities, and finding a balance between these two will serve us well when self-soothing. When we find ourselves caught up in feeling scared and alone, feel the duality within ourselves, and call out the wiser and more stable presence that is within us at all times.
The idea of "mother" is a presence that accepts us for who we are, loves us unconditionally, and is a rock to lean on. How would you treat someone who comes to you suffering? Most of us would pour love into them, and/or provide stability. Pour all of that into yourself. Try and see yourself externally, and acknowledge the power you have to help others, and yourself. Be that presence that you would show to others, and now see it being there for yourself. You are never truly alone when you have a distinctive presence within you that is all-loving.
You always have both the mother and child within you. Learn to harness both of their energies, and you will feel safe in this world of frequent uncertainty and turbulent change.