Many people want confidence. Many people wonder why they don’t have it. There are things that I am very confident in, such as leading hikes and cooking, and there are things that I am not confident in such as tying knots and teaching astrophysics. What if you could be confident in anything you wish? Well, you can be, but it takes some work.
How do you become confident of yourself and your abilities?
When I was in Speech Communications class in college, I remember standing in front of 18 peers during a speech presentation, trembling from head to toe, rambling on about something to do with how to correctly walk on sidewalks. Now, I stand in front of 800 students in Chicago, not blacking out, and speaking about the mountains that I have grown to love. The first few minutes before and after I took the mic, my heart was beating with such force. So much force, but still slow and steady. I wonder what changed so much between then and now. Then, I was not yet aware of my validity as a speaker, and that’s not necessarily bad. In life, your experiences are what make you confident in who you are, and what you’re about. My body and mind accept me speaking now about the mountains in the west because I have had lived experiences in this place both in the formal teaching aspect and the informal explorative way. Also, I have been public speaking in smaller aspects throughout the past year, reaffirming my ability to speak to groups. If I hadn't had this experience, then my brain and body would be more likely to freak out while public speaking.
The more you do something, the more you get used to that thing and learn its nuances. Confidence through practice may seem like an obvious step, but many oftentimes skip the repetitive step and wonder why they don’t feel confident. A surgeon is confident in their surgery because they have done it so many times before in practice and med school. A dog trainer is confident in their ability to train most dogs because they have dedicated themselves to doing it everyday with many different dogs. One can gain confidence if they put in the work.
Should we ever be concerned about confidence?
Confidence is a power that must be wielded correctly. Confidence on a subject with no work can be dangerous, because people might take your confidence as qualification. If I showed confidence on my ability to do CPR on a person having a heart attack, but let’s say I didn’t have the training, then that is putting someone’s life on the line. If I was confident in my ability to give someone guidance on an issue they are dealing with, but I actually didn’t have any experience with dealing with mental health, I could be giving some problematic advice. It is so important to be humble and open to learn, and not assume an overconfident demeanor that can put others and yourself in harm.
What about body/self confidence? Is there such a thing as overconfidence?
No, and no. There is no harm done to others when you are confident in your own body/self. If you are confident in yourself and simultaneously supportive to other people, there is no harm in that. If people do feel harmed by this, then that is a result of their own lack of confidence and inability to disconnect their self worth from other people’s successes. This is a mindset that is only fueled by our current way of sharing virtual information in a compressed, highlight-focused way on social media.
So how does one grow their own body/self confidence? Well, through experience! This experience looks a little different than the others. This comes from repetitive self love. Self love is a phrase that is repeated and talked about left and right these days, but still is so incredibly important. By showing your body care, such as positive self-talk, taking care of hygiene, moving your body everyday, and allowing time for rest - you are subconsciously telling yourself that you are worthy in all ways. Worthy of love, praise, happiness, and also worthy enough to feel confident. I like to think of myself in dual ways, both the caretaker and the inner child. By caring for myself like I am my own child, while also being the protector, I gain confidence in myself as well as creating a mindset of self-love.
Okay, but what about those days where you look in the mirror and feel terrible? What about those moments where you feel silly and unnoticed in social situations or at work?
If anyone says that they never feel moments like these, I would be dumbfounded. We all have moments where we feel insecure, and certainly not confident. The thing is, the realization that everyone has these moments makes them not only common, but natural. You can still be a confident person and feel low sometimes. Everyone ebbs and flows, and one's ability to ride those waves and not get stuck in the lows is confidence within itself. The ability to see the light from one's current dark state is key to bouncing back from low points.
If you want to be confident, think of what you can do to feel more secure in that subject area, whether that is in work or your personal life. Many say, just act confident and you will eventually feel it. This can work, but why not actively work to grow yourself as a person and have confidence naturally flow into your life as a byproduct? Whatever you do, just remember to ride those waves and always remember to poke up your head from the challenging days, because there is always an end to everything - bad days, even good days, defeats, and one's own life.
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