There are a lot of things that are scary about life. Everyone has their own personal anxieties, and oftentimes avoidance is how many people cope. Afraid of public speaking? Become a hermit-like accountant. Afraid of the dark? Don't hike through the woods at night. Afraid of intimacy? Don't date one person for too long. With every fear there is a way for people to skirt around facing those fears. Every time fears are avoided, they become stronger. Fear feeds off of more fear. That information was a life-changer for me, especially as a person who has a more obsessive mindset that fears can easily latch onto. Once you realize that you are feeding the fear, you can change what you do when faced with these challenges.
Run at your fear with open arms
Fear is a feeling that is essential to humans because it gives us our instincts and alerts us of danger. However, the mind can be tricky, because we also have many fears of things that don't actually pose a threat. Excessive fears can use up precious time and energy that could be better spent elsewhere. In many cases, running straight into the face of that fear is not only a way to get over it, but also a way to grow immensely as a human being. Remember, the closer you get to a fear, the more you realize that you are still living and breathing. By openly engaging with your fear, you are reaffirming that it cannot harm you. This may sound silly, but sometimes after watching a scary movie I get spooked by walking around the house in the dark when returning to my room. Instead of using a flashlight or turning on all the lights, I walk with a normal speed through the darkness. My whole body feels like it's electric with fear, but I always feel stronger afterwards. I realize that I did not get devoured by a demon, and I am happily alive. The more I do this, the less these fears take root. This concept applies to fears that are more on the irrational side, not the fear of things where you are in serious danger. With everything there is a balance, especially in this case.
Balance rationally with intuition
It's incredibly easy to go down the rabbit hole of the imaginative mind. Sometimes thoughts can be so vivid, we mistake them for reality. I know from experience that one can become upset about something without even engaging with the thing because of the creative mind. One should never disregard their feelings, but instead use rationality to assist in the thinking process. By asking yourself, "What evidence do I have of this idea?", we can save ourselves from a spiral. Relying solely on rationality can pose problems sometimes, because it doesn't leave space for our subconscious knowing nature that can sometimes predict problems before they happen. Gut instincts many times do not have evidence, and because of this they can be dangerous. Gut instincts, also called intuition, is something that draws form the deep memory well inside of oneself. Therefore, it can be biased based on one's experiences, and also the fact that options can be changed, and one's truth adjusted as they grow. Again, there is a balance between following intuition and using rationality. Leaning on each simultaneously can create a wonderful balance.
Radically accept what is
I often talk about the idea of radical acceptance, and it's because it can be applied to everything. When it comes to fears, oftentimes the judgment towards oneself about the fears just strengthens them. It is important to acknowledge and accept that you have these feelings, without validating them. Acceptance is different than confirmation. When we confirm fears, we give them a standing in reality and a reason for continued fear. When we accept fears, we are releasing tension surrounding these feelings and making room to change the way we think about them.
Seek out situations where you feel uncomfortable
One of my favorite things to do with my students is the comfort zone activity. There are three circle layers, the core, the middle layer, and the outside layer. The outside layer is the comfort zone, the middle is the challenge/growth zone, and the core is the panic zone. So as you move closer to the core, the more uncomfortable you get. I give the students prompts, and they place themselves on the circle as a response to each one. Afterwards, we talk about how everyone has different responses to the prompts because we each have different comfort zones, and that is totally okay. We also discuss why it is important to hang out in the challenge zone. When we are in the panic zone, not much growth is happening because it is such an extreme. In the comfort zone, we do not do much growing either because we are not pushing ourselves to learn and adapt to new things. The challenge zone, or growth zone, you guessed it, is where the growing happens the most. I try and use this construct in my everyday life. I jump towards things that make me scared or nervous, because I know that this is how I will continue to grow and enrich my living experience.
For me, getting up in the mountains is a way that I challenge myself day to day. The solo-aspect of hiking puts me in my challenge zone and I return back each time with even more confidence of my self-accountability and independence. The physical challenge of hiking connects my mind and body so immensely that it is like a meditation. There are different ways you can challenge yourself, and different challenges that will push you to grow. I think it is such an exciting opportunity to push yourself into a growth zone, because we have one life so why not become everything we can be, and do everything that we desire?
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