Words only have power and meaning if we give them the means. Logs won't burn without a means to spark a flame, and a piano will not produce beautiful songs without a pianist to play its keys. I have always looked at language as simultaneously remarkable and unremarkable. The unremarkable part is that words themselves don't emanate meaning, they are just symbols on a page or sounds in our ears. The remarkable part is our ability to ascribe meaning to these symbols, and create unbelievable beauty, or hate, out of them. To walk away having read a page and to be changed because of it, in ways big or small, is astounding to me.
Over the past few years, I have found great value in the small pairings of words. Put together with care, they can have a great meaning. Some of these mantras may seem like common sense, and you'd be right. But, as Voltaire said, "common sense is not so common."
Radical Acceptance
A year ago I read the book “Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life with the Heart of a Buddha'' by Tara Branch, PH.D., and it jump-started my journey to taking a different approach to life than I had in the past. Branch is a psychologist, author, and proponent of Buddhist meditation. Her idea of “radical acceptance” is all about staring our obstacles in the face and meeting them with love and compassion rather than fear and pain. It is easy to brush off these ideas as being too abstract and fluffy, but if we really sit with them, they can have a big impact on the way we deal with the issues in our lives.
Every day I try to remember Radical Acceptance. When I practice Radical Acceptance, I am accepting every moment and occurrence whether it is good or bad. The idea isn't about giving up, it's about not allowing the highs and lows of life to completely unravel you. For example, if I drop a glass on the ground I am not going to dwell on it for hours and let it ruin my day, I accept that these things happen, and move on. That is such a small-scale example, but important nonetheless.
Nobody actually cares about that thing you did
Okay this one doesn't apply to you if you're a mass murderer or a celebrity. However even so, at some point everyone becomes kind of irrelevant (yikes that sounds harsh). I don't wake up everyday and think about how Justin Bieber peed in a bucket that one time or Charles Manson brainwashed a bunch of youths to commit murder. Sure, famous or infamous people get a lot of spotlight for their actions, but they have little impact on our day to day lives, assuming we weren't involved. With this in mind, think about how many people worry about what other people think of them, when they are just regular folk. Everyone else has their own lives to focus on, so that one time when you accidentally called your boss "Mom" doesn't really hold a lot of weight. I've certainly wasted a lot of time ruminating on what other people thought about something I did. When we remind ourselves of our true insignificance (I mean this in the most freeing and positive way possible), then we are truly free to live our lives the way we want without getting caught up in the fears of judgement. Also, when we slip up, it won't take up so much of our headspace which we could be using for more productive things.
Achievement in life is less about chasing goals and more about structuring a system to work towards the idea
This is a pretty new one for me. I got this idea from the book I'm reading right now called, "Atomic Habits" by James Clear. Focusing on the system rather than the goal is what actually led me to start this blog. For so long I was fixated on having a super successful blog. Focusing on this goal stopped me from ever actually starting the blog because I was so overwhelmed by this huge goal. When I realized that fixating on this goal was getting me absolutely nowhere, I decided to make a change. I figured that everyone has to start somewhere, so why not create a structure in my life that supports what makes me happy, which is writing. By taking the pressure of having a successful blog away and replacing it with the pure joys of writing, I am actually working towards my goal, just without the added stress.
Working on ideas for blogs everyday is something that genuinely brings me happiness. Who knows if my blog will ever be super successful, all that matters right now is that I am structuring my system to mirror the image I have for my life. Anyone can propel themselves into action if they focus on the present rather than fixating on a goal without a plan.
Use the future to free you from the now
Some people may read this and immediately think this is bad advice because life is all about "living in the moment." Bear with me here. It is certainly important to live in the moment, because I believe that being present is one of the keys to happiness. However, oftentimes in periods of extreme pain, people lose sight of the larger picture. If someone loses their job, goes through a breakup, suffers the death of a loved one, or anything negative - It's human nature to focus on the immediate tragedy. It's easy to slip into these strong negative feelings for longer than we need to. Pain should be felt and not covered up, but it can be very effective to zoom out of the moment to gain a greater perspective. Pain is a lot easier to deal with if you think about how you probably won't be feeling it to this degree a week, year, or whenever in the future. To think about your future self who is happy and healthy, regardless of whether or not that is true, is a great tool to work through difficult times.
Pause
This is one that is so easy to forget. We live in a fast paced world, but that does not mean our minds have to be fast paced all the time. We can still be productive by slowing down once in a while. Actually, we are more productive in the long run when we take pauses, allowing our minds a moment of peace. A pause could mean anything. It could look like:
Taking a moment to express thankfulness for your meal before eating
Taking a deep breath in the middle of an argument
Before exiting your car for work, sitting for a moment in silence
Giving yourself a moment of rest between tasks at work
Resisting the urge to reach for your phone right when you wake up
It's easy to brush off these actions as too minimal to make a difference. However, if there is one thing in life that I have learned, it is that small actions when done enough can make a really big difference. Also, what's the harm in a small betterment? I have learned that an all or nothing mindset has the potential of causing one to fester in stagnation. Life is not like a conventional light switch that is either on or off, it's more like a dimmer, having a range of brightnesses.
All of these mantras are intertwined with the idea of balance. If one has balance in their life, then they will be accepting of life's curveballs, be able to create a structure to achieve their dreams, understand that their present pain will not last forever, be able to separate their views of themselves and others' views of them, and remember to take a pause every now and then. Oh boy that was a mouthful. Of course you can't be perfect and walk around completely satisfied 24/7 like my dog Sophie, but consciously thinking about some mantras that are important to you can make all the difference. If you ever come across some words that spark joy and meaning in you, write them down! Your future self might thank you.
